What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 10:50
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
My life is so biszare .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
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This is how, and why children get BPD.
Comes on , in middle age.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
What melts your heart every time without fail?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But ive been too sick for many years..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I was scared of men, in general
I will be 64.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
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I was seconnd youngest,
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
What is the most gay experience with your dad?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
What are some prime examples of gibberish from the bible?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
All the time i was locked up.
How can couples reverse the buildup of resentment once they notice it?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Why do some people have loving parents and some do not?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
My friend asked my crush and he said my crush hates me but not in a rude way. What does that mean?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
It was going to be , some day.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Put me off passion for life!!
(And it was in our own minds.)
I have no regrets .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I think the readers, may guess!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But it wasn’t much.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I waited trembling.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I could never make a relationship work though!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I said to her
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Who then, do I blame.?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I write beautiful poetry .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
So whats the point in blame.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Im dying but, im not bitter.
My family never makes their pension either.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I was 9 years of age.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But, we were locked up after school.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She found it foreign!.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
When she asked me how she looked .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Would this be the day?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
One cannot live in the past .
Why did i forgive my father ?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
We were not on the streets..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She loved him until the end.
Especially a lifetime of it.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He resisted the act ,that day.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
This is soul school!.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I couldn’t, believe it.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
So, i spoilt her more .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She married twice! .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She wouldn,t have been !
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
As i do to all so called friends.?
She was in good health!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Ive learnt so much.
He knew the spot.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I was very sick at this time too.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I don,t even have a pension.
Im still living with it.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
What did i know ?
We all went to grammer schools
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And i lived it daily.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!